I Guess I Thought Wrong
by KrissaBelle7
Summary: Based off 5x24 Watershed promo. What happens after Castle gives Beckett the ultimatum? With no one to talk to, Beckett puts pen to paper, releasing a floodgate of honest thoughts and raw emotions. Only thing is, he was never supposed to read it. No longer a one shot, now COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: The finale's promo practically _killed_ me. D: But, I believe in Marlowe and have faith in the writers.

Disclaimer: If I owned Castle, we wouldn't have to wait until next week for the finale. Nor would I be driving my friends crazy with my anticipation and nerves.

* * *

_"You take this job, that's the end of our relationship."_

* * *

Things have been tense ever since Castle gave Beckett the ultimatum. She knew she was wrong for keeping the job offer in D.C. from him, but couldn't they talk things through and discuss it together now that she's told him?

He had left the precinct in the evening while she stayed on to see if there would be any breakthrough with this case they were working on. Beckett guiltily admits that she might have stayed back in the precinct to avoid him. It was childish and she knew it.

She finally gave in when nine o'clock rolled by. With no leads to work on, it was time to head back. She could deal with this case in the morning, but she needed to deal with Castle now.

* * *

She unlocked the doors to the loft with her own set of keys. Nostalgically she thought back to the day he handed her a copy of the key to the loft. They had both been so blissfully happy. She missed that honeymoon phase of their relationship.

Beckett called out to alert him of her presence. "Hey, I'm h-"

_Home._

That was what she'd almost said aloud.

It was such a domestic thing to say, and she had been comfortable with that phrase for so long. But with how things stood now, she couldn't bring herself to use that word. It didn't sit right anymore.

Clearing her throat, Beckett called out, "I'm back."

"I'm here in the study," was his floating reply. Putting her things away, she headed there.

"Hey," she greeted tentatively, standing at under the doorway. Closing his laptop, he looked up at her and smiled.

"How's the case going? Any breakthroughs?" he asked. Kate couldn't help but notice how polite he was. He gave off a cold vibe, probably unintentionally, and she could feel the distance between them growing.

"Hmm, nothing much, really. We're hoping that we'll have more to work with when the results return in the morning," she replied, heading over to stand beside his desk. "Were you writing?" she asked, gesturing at the closed laptop with her head.

Castle stood up, telling her, "Yeah, I was in the mood."

After a beat of silence, he continued, "Anyway, I think I'm going to go shower."

"You want me to join you?" she offered, feeling unsure of what she should do.

"I think I need some space for a bit," he told her with a slight apologetic look. _Space?_ He'd been alone for hours. How much more space did he need?

"Should I not have come over?" She frowned.

Even though they were stuck in a patch now, it hadn't even occurred to her to go to her apartment for the night. She practically lived at the loft, and going there at the end of the day had become a habit.

"No, no, it's fine," he reassured her, "I'll be quick."

Leaning over, he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead before heading into his room.

Beckett huffed and plopped onto his chair. He wasn't stonewalling her, but he sure was avoiding her. Her gaze fell onto the notepad on his table. She couldn't talk to him, but she could write her thoughts down.

So many things had happened in the past few weeks and she just needed an outlet. She wasn't writing for him, he isn't meant to read this. She was doing this for herself. Grabbing a pen, she pulled the notepad over and penned her thoughts down.

* * *

**You said you wanted to help me tear the walls down. You promised to be there when the walls came down. You told me _always_. You said I was extraordinary. Am I not _still_ extraordinary in your eyes?**

**How could someone I've met for less than two days know how remarkable I am but the person whose opinion matters the most to me, you, just don't see that anymore? You don't see _me_ anymore.**

**How does a stranger who has just met me know that I'm a force to be reckoned with, that I am exceptional; but it's nothing to you anymore? How can a stranger tell me that everything about me _screams_ for bigger things but my boyfriend doesn't feel that way? Why can't you see what an amazing opportunity this is for me?**

**What does this mean for us? Where is our future going? Do we even have a future together? Lately it feels like we're just going through the motions. It feels as though we're already detached.**

**I thought we were special.**

**I thought "always" meant _something_.**

**I guess I thought wrong.**

* * *

As Beckett scrawled out that last thought, she sighed and dropped the pen. No, she didn't mean that last thought. Or did she?

Hearing Castle turn off the waters in the shower, Beckett tore off her paper from the notepad and squished it into a ball, throwing it into the trash beside Castle's desk.

Standing up to head into his room to shower, Beckett didn't notice that her balled up note had just missed the rim of the trashcan and had landed on the hardwood floor.

"I'm just gonna go ahead and shower," she told him, entering the warm bathroom as he picked out clothes from his closet. He gave her a nod of acknowledgement before she shut the door.

As he headed to the study to put away his laptop and straighten out the things on his desk, Castle noticed something lying next to the trash. He bent to pick it up and drop it in the trash, but the handwriting peeking out wasn't his.

Wait. This was _Kate's_ handwriting. What had she been writing out here? It was probably some theory about their current case that she had probably struck out or something. Still, he'd like to know what she came up with. Maybe he could help her build theories.

Straightening up, he unfurled the paper and smoothed it out.

Now he knew why curiosity killed the cat. In fact, he died just a little bit reading her words.

* * *

A/N: What did you guys think? I might sit down and figure out how Castle would actually react to reading Beckett's note and post a next chapter if enough of you guys are interested... Otherwise, this will just be a one-shot. Review! :)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks so much for all the reviews! I honestly did not expect such a big reaction. As per your requests, I've decided to continue this fic. I do not fully agree with Kate's note from the previous chapter, but I can see where her thoughts are coming from. I do believe that they are BOTH at fault here… I'm trying to work things out between them, and if you like where it's heading, you're more than welcomed to stay on with this fic. If you don't like it, then don't read it – I'll be sad to lose some readers, but no one's forcing you to read. Btw I'm using the originally intended chronology of events, i.e. the bomb episode happened first, followed by the Eric Vaughn episode, then only the job offer.

Ps. Rating's been bumped up for language.

Disclaimer: If I owned Castle, we'd never have a hiatus.

* * *

As the sound of the shower being turned on drifted over to the study, Castle fell in a heap onto the chair that had been vacated by Beckett moments ago.

Was this what she had secretly been thinking the whole time? The betrayal he felt was almost physically crippling.

As he sat there and thought about her words, Castle's emotions slowly evolved from hurt to anger. Where was this coming from? How could she blindside him out of the blue like that? What right did she have coming in with all these accusations?

He simmered and fumed, biding his time, waiting for her to come out of the shower. Why did she doubt their relationship now? When Kate had planned his birthday surprise a month ago, he had honestly thought things were going great for them. No one had ever put in so much effort and thought into any of his birthday presents. Ever.

Things had been going great until about two weeks ago when the idiot Eric Vaughn kissed Kate. Hell, he had even been generous enough to forgive her for that!

And how does Kate Beckett repay him? By writing a crap note like that?! And on his stationary no less! The nerve!

* * *

Kate Beckett loved her showers. It was her "me time". No matter how gruelling her day had been, she could always rely on her shower-time to feel better. The warm water beating down her back soothed her aching muscles and washed away all the grit from her day.

When she could indulge in the occasional bubble bath, she went all out with pampering herself. Scented candles and a glass of wine; soft music in the background and a good novel; they made the best company in the world.

No matter the situation, she did her best thinking and a lot of decision making in the shower.

Then she got together with Castle. Learning to share her "me time" wasn't hard when things were so much more fun with him in the shower with her. She still had her "alone time" every once in a while, but she didn't miss it all that much.

But today, the solace she was desperately seeking kept eluding her grasp. It was probably because she knew that things weren't that great with Castle but she just didn't know how to fix their situation.

A quick shower was all she afforded herself tonight. When she was properly dressed, Kate padded toward the study to join Castle.

He had swiveled his chair to face the doorway leading to his bedroom, and his eyes were downcast. His attention was focused on a piece of paper held in his hands.

Noticing her presence in the doorway, Castle looked up.

The blood drained from her face as she realized what paper he was holding on when he shot her an accusatory glare filled with betrayal and anger.

He was never supposed to read it.

* * *

Castle stood up and stalked over to her, the damaging piece of paper still in his hand.

"Care to tell me what this is about, Kate?" he asked in a low voice.

"You- you weren't supposed to read it. How did you get that?" she whispered, eyes wide and fearful. This was bad.

"I found it."

She immediately went on the defensive, demanding, "Were you going through my things? Haven't you heard of privacy?!"

Tilting his head in a condescending manner, he mocked her. "One, I wasn't going through anything. I saw it on the floor by the trash, noticed it was your handwriting, and I thought you were listing theories for the case so I wanted to help you.

"Two, it's not _your things," _here he used air quotes, "since it is _my_ stationary in question. Three, this is after all my study, and my loft, so I think I'm entitled to do whatever I please."

"Oh, so I'm not welcomed here anymore?!" she shot back. "I'm sorry," she bit out sarcastically, "I didn't realize that I had to ask for your _permission_ to use the stationeries. Should I ask for your permission now to breathe the air in your loft?"

Looking at her darkly, he held up the wrinkled paper, and repeated three words. "What's this about?"

Catching a brief glimpse at some of what she had written down, Kate deflated. "Rick, it's not what you think. You weren't supposed to see it – I didn't mean what I wrote."

"If you didn't mean it, then why did you write it down? Obviously it meant something to you, Kate, so cut the crap and come clean with me already."

"I just- I wasn't expecting your ultimatum, and I was confused, and I knew that if I tried to talk to you, we'd end up quarrelling, and I didn't want that, so I wrote down some things to clear my head so that when I _did_ eventually talk to you, my thoughts would have been more organized and we wouldn't end up fighting," Kate rambled.

He raised an eyebrow, sparing a second to shoot her an unimpressed look before he scoffed and looked at the paper once more.

"This it what you're thinking in your head, Kate? I can't even- I just- How could you even think of such things?" he accused her.

"I've been around for five years, Kate. Five. Fucking. Years. And out of those five years, I've spent four of them just hanging around, following you so I could spend time with you.

"I've been there from the start, Kate. I was the one who helped you tear down the wall, chipping away brick by stupid brick, and now that the wall's low enough to be breached, you just allow the next sweet-talker to waltz past? I put in all the effort and time but Eric Vaughn gets a free ride just like that?!

"I can't believe you're so easily swayed by sweet words. I _was_ him, Kate. Four years ago, that was me, and you couldn't stand it. Hell, I bloody forgave you for kissing him and this is how you repay me?!"

"It wasn't like that, Rick," Kate defended, "And besides, I told you, _he_ kissed me, and I pushed him away, remember?"

Rick snorted derisively. "You couldn't have pushed him away before his lips touched yours?"

Kate looked on at him exasperatedly. How many times would they need to go through this and rehash this argument? She was confused, and unsure with how serious their relationship was, or where they were headed, and in that moment of hesitation Eric had closed the distance.

"I've explained it to you already, Rick. I hesitated and he kissed me. Besides, you did the same thing with Kristina Coterra! But you know what, I've let that go-"

"-and yet you bring it up again," Rick cut in, "Nice to know how you've let that go when you still use it against me whenever you need it."

"Fine, let's move on. Forget about that, but you know what," she told him heatedly, "I wouldn't have hesitated if I just knew where we stood, Rick."

"Well excuse me! I just can't catch a break, now can I? I can't be too serious, or try to move forward too much because God forbid I scare poor wounded Kate Beckett and you go running off. I can't play things cool with you because apparently you think we're not going anywhere!"

"Don't put this all on me. You know that I've got emotional issues when you decided to get together with me so don't act like I tricked you into a relationship! Don't try to use my emotional baggage against me!" she yelled back at him.

Returning to a normal tone, Rick told her, "I said I love you two whole years ago, Kate, and it took you to be standing on a bomb before you could say it out loud to me! Let's not forget that I fucking stayed behind to be with you when you were standing on that bomb. Does that mean _nothing_ at all to you?!"

Kate bit her lip. He got her with the "I love you" thing. She just never found it easy to actually say those three words out loud. Instead, she told him, "I never asked you to stay behind. In fact, I tried to make you leave, remember, no one forced you to stay back."

"That's just it, Kate. No one forced me, but I _wanted_ to be there with you. Always, Kate. But apparently that doesn't matter, not when you have a cool job waiting for you in D.C."

Kate sighed frustratedly. This was _exactly_ what she had hoped to avoid. She didn't want to argue with him, she wanted to discuss the whole thing with him.

"You know what, I don't even know if you meant the _I Love You_ when you were standing on the bomb. Did you just say it because you thought you were going to die?" he spat out bitterly.

Kate felt winded as all the air just whooshed out of her body. Yes, the circumstances under which she finally gave voice to those three words were not ideal, but couldn't he tell from her everyday actions how much she loved him?

"How could you even ask that?" she asked softly, all her fighting spirit was snuffed out with those words of his. Her soul was being stomped into the ground by his cruel doubt.

Rick noticed her anguish but all he did was stare hardly at her and shrug. Deep down, he knew that he was just lashing out and trying to find a way to hurt her as much as she had hurt him, but he couldn't bring himself to feel sorry at the moment. Still, looking at her crumble beneath his gaze was too much, so he eventually averted his gaze to the paper.

"So this job. Are you going to take it?"

"I was hoping we could talk about it and decide together."

"Seems to me that you're pretty set on taking the job regardless of what I say. Why didn't you tell me about it earlier? Why hide, Kate?"

"We haven't exactly been close these past two weeks, and I didn't know where we were headed. Each time I try to bring it up, you avoid it or change the topic." After a beat, Kate continued, "I really want this job, Castle, it sounds great. I'd be working on important cases, I could really impact people's lives, not to mention the wide range of access I'd have, and the authority."

Castle had to cut in before she got too excited talking about this job. "Only thing is I won't be able to tag along. They want you, Kate. Just you. Not me, not the boys, not the whole package. They just want you. And are you forgetting that the job's in D.C?"

"We could work something out, I'm sure we can find a way for you to tag along with me. And, you could come over to D.C. with me," she told him hopefully, trying to get him on board.

"Do you even hear yourself, Kate? Don't you remember why you ended your relationship with Sorenson? Aren't you doing the exact same thing to me? Can't you see how hypocritical you're being?" he questioned her. "Being in a relationship involves two people, Kate. You can't just think about yourself anymore, we have to think about the both of us when we want to make decisions."

Kate realized that she had indeed been a hypocrite by assuming Rick would be fine with just coming along with her, but she didn't like that he pointed out her shortcomings. As a defense mechanism, she went on the offence instead, attacking him in an effort to protect herself. "What, is this coming from your vast relationship experience? Two ex wives and a gazillion bimbos taught you all that?"

"Get out."

Kate was shocked and she showed it. "What?"

Rick stood his ground, and told her in a low voice that brooked no arguments, "You heard me, _get out_."

Kate looked back at him in disbelief, but he just continued staring back at her hardly.

"Fine!" she bit out, stalking out of the study. Grabbing her jacket, she collected her purse and left, slamming the front door shut for good measure. The resounding discordant echo hung in the air for a few seconds before complete silence descended upon the loft.

* * *

A/N: How was that? We're gonna be in for a hell of a ride. Review, pretty please! :)


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Just saw the sneak peeks for Watershed, and I've lost the will to write :( I forced myself to write this chapter since I've more or less thought it through already, so I hope you guys aren't too disappointed and appreciate it anyway. Praying that Monday's episode will make things right again, but it's hard to try and remain optimistic. Credits to heypiasano for leading me to decide who should Kate go for advice.

Disclaimer: I wouldn't be feeling so down if I owned Castle.

* * *

Kate sat silently in her car for a moment, just processing the fact that Castle had actually asked her to leave. Quickly locking the door and checking her surroundings to ensure there weren't people lurking around, she whipped out her cell phone and called Lanie.

"Hey, Lanie," she greeted into the phone when her best friend picked up.

"Hey girl, what's up?" Lanie asked, whispering, "It's Kate" softly but Kate picked that up nonetheless.

"Do you have company over there with you?" Kate backtracked, mentally hitting herself for not having thought that Lanie could be with someone else at this very moment.

"Yeah, actually. You wanna make it quick?"

"No, it's fine. You go ahead, sorry for interrupting," Kate apologized.

Lanie confirmed anyway, "You sure?"

"Yeah, it's okay. You have fun." Kate disconnected the call and phoned her next best option. The recipient picked up after a few rings and Kate murmured into her phone, "Hey, it's me. Can I come over?"

* * *

Fifteen minutes later she'd arrived at her destination. Taking out her cell phone once more, Kate checked the time – it was ten thirty, not too late, and made her call.

"Hey Alexis, it's Kate. Can I talk to you for a minute?"

She heard Alexis excusing herself from her friends and walking off to somewhere quieter. "Hey Kate, what's up? Did something happen?"

"Your dad and I had a fight, and even though I tried to hold back so I wouldn't hurt him too much, we both said stupid damaging things. Anyway, your dad's alone at the loft now-"

Alexis interrupted at this point, "You're not there?"

Kate admitted softly, "Yeah, he kinda ran me out, but that's not the thing. He's alone now, and as angry as I am at this moment, I still love and care about your dad, so if you're not too busy could you check in on him to make sure he's going to be fine? I'd call Martha but she's doing a show and probably still busy."

"Dad ran you out?" Alexis asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, I said some pretty stupid things. But could you please drop in or call your dad? Make sure he has someone to talk to?" Kate asked once more.

"Sure, Kate. Don't worry about it. I'll take care of my dad, but are you okay? Like, do you have someone to talk to?"

"Yeah, don't worry about me. Thanks, Alexis. Oh and one more thing, could you try to be subtle about it? I don't want him to get defensive or angry," Kate told her, relieved that at the very least; Alexis would be there to stop Castle from doing anything stupid.

Exiting her car and walking up to the door briskly, Kate rapped on the door. It swung open quickly, the occupant inside obviously expected her presence, and Kate was engulfed in a greeting hug.

Finally, she felt a little of the reassuring safety comfort her. "Hey dad," Kate mumbled into his shoulder, finally putting down the burden of being strong and holding herself together. He had barely shut the front door when her tears started flowing.

* * *

Jim Beckett quietly led his daughter to a comfy sofa seat and firmly told her to sit there while he went and fixed a big cup of warm tea that he pressed into her hands and told her to drink. Kate was blubbering through her tears as she tried to tell Jim what happened.

He sighed. Johanna had once teased him about learning "cry-talk" which all females were apparently fluent in. Johanna had been the one to decipher and understand Kate's cry-talk after break ups in her earlier teenage years. Apparently all girls have gone through, spoke, learnt, and understood cry-talk as a rite of passage through their teenage years. Unfortunately for Jim, Johanna was no longer here to translate for him, or do the comforting on his behalf.

"Shh, Katie, it's okay, I'm here, Katie, I'm here," he murmured, smoothing down her hair gently as he tried to quiet her. He was rusty at this. Johanna had been the one who could talk to Kate during her early teenage years. When she entered her rebellious wild-child phase, they maintained a "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

Kate eventually outgrew that phase, and things were pretty good as she went on the right track. After that, Johanna had passed away, and Jim never really became a father figure to Kate for years. Even when they had patched things up between father and daughter, he never played a very active role. He was more of a passive supporter, hovering in the wings of the stage that was Kate's life.

Eventually Kate's blubbering's softened to mumbles, and her crying slowed to muffles and hiccups. Handing her more Kleenex, Jim coaxed her to drink more tea as she quieted down.

When she had calmed down once more, Jim broached the topic cautiously. "It's okay now, Katie, you wanna try to tell me what happened?"

"Castle and I, we fought, and- and it was so stupid, and- and-" Kate started blubbering again as she got worked up.

"Shh, slow down there Katie," he calmed her in a low, soothing voice, guiding her, "Tell me what happened, Kate, from the beginning."

Kate took a moment to calm and compose herself before she told her dad everything, starting from Vaughn's kiss and how things went downhill from there, the job offer, her note, and eventually her fight with Castle.

"So this job offer, can you tell me more about it?" Jim asked. Kate told him what occurred briefly, trying to remain objective in her narration. But there was something else that she needed to get off her chest, something else that she needed to share with someone.

"Stack asked me where I saw myself five years from now, and then he started listing all the job aspects before asking me where my heart was. And for that brief second, I saw two small kids with Rick's blue eyes, an older, playful boy tugging his toddler sister along," Kate said softly.

"You told him that?"

"No, of course not. I told him that I didn't know him well enough to have that conversation."

There was a beat of silence after Kate replied his question, but Jim waits her out in silence. And sure enough, she's the one who breaks the silence on her own accord, when she was ready to continue talking.

"What he said about the job, it's tempting, and it's true that I want bigger things. But I also want a family, dad. Not right now, but maybe in a few years, I'd love to start my own family, like you and mom did.

"But I'm also terrified that I might have to leave them behind, what with the dangers of my job. So for now, it's easier to just focus on the job. Plus, I have no idea where Rick stands," she trailed off.

"So why didn't you ask him?" Jim prompted her.

"I don't know," Kate admits, "I think I'm afraid to know his answer as well. But I did try to bring it up! Whenever I tried to ask him about our future, or where we were headed, he would change the topic, or intentionally avoid it."

"Has it ever occurred to you that he might be afraid of commitment? That he might need more time? After all, he's had two marriages before this," Jim told her, trying to think of things from Castle's point of view.

"Of course it's occurred to me, but still, I'd like to know if we have a future together, and how committed we are to this relationship. But talking about his previous marriages, that brings up another thing. Rick's older than I am, and he's done so much more already.

"He's been married and has a grown up kid. He did the whole family thing already, who's to say that he wants to go through it again? And his career? He's a best-selling author; he's reached his goals already.

"Rick's at the top of his game, and he's probably looking forward to a leisurely pace from here on, a plateau. But I on the other hand, I've never even started my family yet, and my career's still in the early stage – there's still so much more that I want to do; there's still so much more that I want to achieve. It's still uphill for me."

"So you're at different points in life. So what? Kate, I've seen you and Rick together, and I've never seen you love anyone more than him. And none of your previous boyfriends have ever looked at you the way that man looks at you. He loves you, Kate. And love like that doesn't happen often.

"This relationship, it's the real deal. So even when things get hard, and messy, and certain days you'll just want to give up; or there will be days you become ashamed of your actions or how low you can resort to; you've got to weather it, because you know that what you have here is worth fighting for," Jim told her passionately.

Kate listens on in silence, taking in what her dad said. He continues, "A relationship involves two people, Katie. You've got two different minds, two sets of opinions, but at the end of the day, you don't think for yourself as an individual; you think about the choices you make, and the decisions you choose, based on the greater outcome for the _both_ of you, as a couple."

"Sometimes you'll have to make sacrifices – it involves give and take, but at the end of the day, it will be worth it, because the outcome is the better one for you as a couple. And _you'll _know that, and that knowledge will give you greater pleasure than any personal happiness you will feel, when you really love that person. And I do believe that you really love Rick," he told her while he patted her hands reassuringly as a faint smile graced his face.

"When did you get so smart, dad?" Kate asked wryly, causing the older Beckett to chuckle.

* * *

Rick had been sitting on his half of the bed for the past half hour. It was his side of the bed, because the other side belonged to Kate, and it would always be her side of the bed, no matter what happens to their relationship in the future.

His thoughts were cut short by the ringing of his phone. Sparing a glance, he was surprised to see that it was Alexis calling him. Putting on a cheerful tone, he answered, "Hey pumpkin."

"Hi dad," she greeted in response. "Listen, I think I left my blue dress back at the loft, and I'll need to use it at the end of the week, so I just want to make sure that it's there and pressed."

"You want me to search it for you?" Castle asks, confused.

"Oh no, dad, that's fine. I'm heading there now, and since it's getting late, I was thinking I'd spend the night back home. Just wanted to give you a heads up, dad," she explained.

"Sure thing, pumpkin. Be careful on your way over, I'll see you soon."

Leaving Kate's note on her side of the bed, Castle headed to the kitchen. He liked making Alexis a glass of hot chocolate whenever she came over, so he checked to see if he had the ingredients needed. He laid out the cocoa powder and marshmallows along with two mugs on the kitchen counter. He'd make the drinks when she arrived. Then, he walked over to the living room and switched on the television, channel surfing idly until his daughter arrived.

* * *

A/N: There you go. I'm not fully satisfied with it, but that's the best I can do at the moment. The next update will be after the season finale. Please leave a review so that I'd know it was worth the time and effort I put in writing this chapter even though I'm stuck in this mood. I don't have anything planned out from this point on, so feel free to comment your thoughts on what should happen or where I should head :)


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: So the email alerts have been down again :( Go back and read the previous chapter if you guys haven't done so… I know I said I wouldn't write or post until after the finale, but something shiny inspired me yesterday, and I got to writing :) This isn't the last chapter, but regardless of how the finale turns out, I know how I want this fic to turn out, so I hope you guys will like it anyway. Happy Castle Monday!

* * *

Castle woke up on the couch with a sore back. How had he ended up sleeping there? Sitting up, he ran a hand through his hair as he tried to remember the previous night.

"Hey there, kiddo," Martha's voice greeted him from the direction of the kitchen. Swinging his head around, he saw his mother sitting by the kitchen island nursing a cup of coffee.

"Mother?" He asked confusedly, standing up to walk over. "Wasn't Alexis the one who came over last night?"

"Yes she did," she told him curtly, walking over to his side whereby she turned him around and started guiding him to the direction of his bedroom, continuing, "She came over, you guys had hot chocolate and a movie, and you fell asleep on the couch. Alexis had to go off earlier this morning, so she called me. Go wash up and I'll have a cup of coffee for you when you come back out."

"She called you to come over?" Castle asked, still confused.

However, Martha promptly ordered him, "Wash up, and we'll talk over cups of coffee. Go."

When he came back out, Martha had indeed made him a cup of coffee, which aroma he inhaled deeply before taking a helpful mouthful of the wonderful beverage.

"I'll cut to the chase. Alexis came over last night to babysit you even though she'd rather I not mention it. When she had to leave, she asked me to look after you."

Castle was still waiting for the caffeine to kick in and work its wonders but he was awake enough to ask Martha, "Babysit me?"

"Well, according to Alexis, she received a phone call from Katherine last night telling her that you guys had a fight, and Katherine asked if she could keep an eye over you."

"Kate sent Alexis over to spy on me?"

"She meant well, Richard. Now why don't you tell me what your fight was about," Martha prodded gently.

Castle sighed deeply as he thought back to the previous night. He went to the bedroom to retrieve Kate's note, and handed it to Martha, giving her a quick run down of the events.

When he ended, Martha's first reaction was to hit him on his arm. "You chased her out?!" she accused.

He wilted a little under her glare. There was just something about a mother's disapproving glare that could make even a grown man feel like a kid who was being berated. "Not one of my finer decisions," he admitted, while Martha cut in, saying, "Have I not taught you anything at all? You don't chase a woman out of your house at night, especially not when you love her! Besides, couldn't you two have just gone to bed and continue your discussion in the morning when you've had a good night's rest and clear heads?"

"It was in the heat of the moment, mother," he said stiffly.

She waved his comment off distractedly. "Anyway, what are you going to do about this? They way I see it; you've got two big things to think about. This job offer, and," here Martha lifted up her hand, tapping her ring finger, "where your relationship is going. I've brought up the ring once, Richard, and I'll bring it up again. It's obvious that you love her, and she loves you, so why don't you just ask the question already? You _are_ going to ask her to marry you, right?"

Richard sighed, "It's not that simple, mother. In case you haven't noticed, I don't exactly have the best track record with marriages. Why take a chance to ruin things when they are great just the way it is?"

"I'm sorry your previous marriages didn't work out, but you wouldn't have found Katherine if they did, right? Besides, Katherine isn't like Meredith or Gina. In fact, she's the only one I would be proud to call my daughter-in-law."

He remained quiet, staring into his coffee mug, as though he could divine something from within to help him.

"Darling, a girl needs to know if there's hope for a relationship so that she can commit to it. And Katherine's not getting any younger, so I can see why she would want to know if you're as committed to the relationship as she is."

"But it's not just that, mother," he defended, "she let Vaughn kiss her. She knows why I divorced Meredith, so how could she do this to me? How am I supposed to trust her after this? And besides, she went behind my back to recruit Alexis to do her dirty work!"

"Richard Castle that girl's intentions were nothing but noble when she called Alexis to keep you company, and I won't allow you to make it out to be anything else! And we all make mistakes. Could you honestly say that you wouldn't have been tempted by Eric Vaughn yourself if you were a woman?" she shot back.

Castle snorted but didn't say anything, so Martha continued, "A girl likes to feel cherished. And even though she may not say it, she wants to be the center of attention of her man. A girl wants to be the reason her guy smiles when she enters the room, even after they've been together for fifty years. It might seem fickle and silly to you, but I guess that just goes to prove that women are indeed from Venus while men are from Mars."

"I'll think about that," Castle grudgingly accepts, "but what about the job offer? It's in a whole other state and she didn't even bother to ask about my opinion! Do I really believe that she's thinking about us when she makes decisions like that?"

"Well, she was at fault for not telling you about the offer from the get go, but it was only an interview, right – nothing definitive yet. And even though you found out before she broke the news to you, she still wanted your opinion to try and make the decision from that point on. That's got to count as something," Martha surmised.

"Does it? Is she really going to discuss things with me? Because it seems to me that she's pretty much decided to take the job already!" Castle fumed, the hurt from yesterday stirring to life again.

"Try to keep something in mind, Richard. She's much younger than you are. You could have lived off the profit from your first Derrick Storm book, but you didn't. You continued writing a whole series of novels.

"Katherine's still relatively young, and she might still want to climb the corporate ladder, so to speak, and see if she can further her career. A bright mind like hers paired with that extraordinary personality was meant to go a long way, to do great things."

Taking a sip from her coffee, Martha let her son think her words through. After a few beats of silence, she stood up and told him, "Take it from me, kiddo. You might have thought that Kyra was the one that got away, but if you let Katherine go just like that, _this_ will be the single greatest mistake and tragedy of your life."

And since she had said her piece, Martha walked toward the stairs to head to her room, leaving her son with contradictory thoughts swirling all around his head.

* * *

The sunlight streaming through the crack between her curtains alerted Kate that it was morning. Rubbing the sleep away, she sat up and surveyed her old bedroom. Nostalgically she recalled all the memories and dreams that remained within those four walls.

Some memories had faded and required trinkets the younger Kate had displayed to be jogged up front again. Her dreams of pursuing law had changed but she was fine with that. But through it all, one dream remained.

She wanted to find love. Not like in the movies, but real love in the real world. The ugly, messy, drive-you-crazy kind of love, she wanted the real deal. And deep inside, Kate thinks that she's really found it this time.

Kate thought back to last night and how Jim had suggested she sleep in her old room for the night. He finally had to play the Dad-card and admitted that he was worried that she might suddenly break out in tears again while driving. Kate rolled her eyes at him but trudged upstairs to her bedroom nonetheless.

Rummaging through the cupboard in the hallway, Kate found a new toothbrush and some face wash. When she was done, Kate walked down the same stairs that she had for nineteen years of her life.

Her dad must have left for the firm already since the house was quiet and empty. Kate called Ryan and asked him to cover her since she was taking the morning off work. Then, she calls Rick.

She was honestly grateful that he had even answered the phone, and they quickly arranged to meet at the swings in the park near the precinct. They didn't talk; both preferred to do things face to face rather than over the phone. Hanging up, Kate knew that she's made her decision.

As was her old habit, Kate went straight to the refrigerator. A note was stuck on the door, held by a magnet that she had made in grade school. Smiling tenderly as she recalled how her dad used to leave notes for either herself or her mom in the exact same manner, Kate removed the magnet and took the note. Some things just never changed.

She unfolded the paper and read it quickly.

* * *

**Morning Katie**

**Had to leave for work but call me to let me know how things go with Rick. I'll love you no matter what you decide.**

**Love,**

**Dad.**

**Ps. A job vs the love of your life? I always knew you'd make the right choice.**

* * *

Kate folds the note and pockets it. She leaves the house with a determined spring in her step and a small smile on her face.

* * *

A/N: There'll probably be only one more chapter after this. I wrote this in a rush, so I apologize in advance for any typos or grammatical errors. Hope you guys enjoyed it anyway - gotta rush for class now. Please Review! :)


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: 1. I can't believe that I actually managed to get this done before tonight's finale. Two chapters a day, wootwoots! 2. Go listen to The Great Escape by Pink :) For some reason I find it somehow apt for Caskett the way things stand in the show now... 3. Thanks so much for all the support, reviews, favourites, and alerts. They mean the world to me! I've been busy juggling uni and trying to write and update before the finale airs which is why I haven't been replying each review like i normally do...

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Castle arrived at the playground and was pleased to see that it was mostly empty. Not spotting Kate, he headed over to the swings and sat on a free seat. He couldn't help but think back to almost two years ago when Kate and he met in another playground.

It wasn't long before he spotted Kate heading toward him. She greeted him first. "Hey, thanks for agreeing to meet me."

Rick nodded in greeting and gave her a small smile. "Why don't you sit," he suggested, gesturing at the empty swing beside him. Kate walked to the other side before sitting down. She wanted to be able to see his face when they talked.

They sat quietly for a moment, the silence weighted heavy in the air. A small kid's excited shriek pierced the air as she ran streaking by. Kate broke the silence between them.

"Rick, I'm sorry about last night. I'm sorry about the note, about how I acted even before yesterday and what I said; I'm sorry for not telling you about the job offer sooner. I'm just so sorry, Rick."

"We're not kids anymore, Kate. You can't just apologize; kiss and make things better," he said, a slight frown marring his face, staring straight ahead.

"I know, but it doesn't diminish how sorry I really am. Do you want to go first, or should I?" She asks.

He finally swiveled his head around to face her. "Why the sudden rush, Kate? We were perfectly fine and happy before this, why did you suddenly need labels and assurances. Why are you suddenly so obsessed with where we're headed?"

"Well in case you haven't noticed, I'm not getting any younger, and it was fine coasting along this whole time, but we've been together a whole year, and I want to know – I need to know that you and I want the same things," she explained.

"I've never loved someone the way I love you, and it frightens me, because it has the potential to be so much more. I guess my insecurities got ahead of me, and I lost my rational thinking, which was why I shut you out and questioned our relationship."

"Are you talking about the Vaughn thing?" he asks, looking down to the ground. She replied softly, "Yeah."

"Cheating's a deal breaker for me, Kate."

"But I didn't–" Kate stops herself mid sentence. Taking a breath she continues, "Rick, I've never been so sorry in my life, and that really is one of the stupidest, most regretful thing I've done. I should have pushed him away, but I hesitated and so Vaughn kissed me. But I honestly would never have cheated on you," she tells him earnestly, reaching out to hold his hands.

His hand remained passive under hers, but she was just thankful that he wasn't pulling away. Looking at her with sorrow in his eyes, he asked, "Have I ever told you the reason Meredith and I got divorced?"

When she shook her head in denial, Rick told her the story. "Basically, I caught her sleeping with her director in our bed. I could still understand and accept her need to go out to parties, but I had thought that our marriage was something sacred. And to catch her cheating in our own bedroom-" he broke off, emotions that had risen to the surface overwhelming him once more.

"That's when cheating became a deal breaker to me. It made me lose faith in the sanctity of marriage as an institution. You asked me where we're heading, Kate, and I want so much to move forward with you, but how can I come to trust you after this?"

Rick started pulling his hands away, but Kate held on tight. She had this amazing thing here with Castle and she'd be damned to give it up without a fight.

"I made a mistake, Rick, but you have to believe me when I say I will _never_ doubt us ever again, and I would never ever cheat on you. I know that I'm basically asking you to take my word for it, but the only way that I can prove it to you is if you'd give me a second chance," she tells him passionately, holding on tight.

"Look," she continues, "I want to make things clear between us. Maybe we took advantage of what we thought we knew about each other, and we both made some assumptions. But I want you to know all that I want, no more confusion and subtext, because I want you to know that I think what we have could be the real deal if we choose to continue, so I want to clear the air before we as a _couple_," she emphasized, "decide our next step together. Regardless of what you think, I really care about you, and I still care about us."

Seeing her sincerity, Rick decided to give her a chance, to give them a second shot. "Alright, I'm all ears."

Where did she start? It was instinctual for her self-preservation to hold some cards back, and here she was, volunteering to show him her hand. She would be opening up to him – removing her metaphorical armor, and it would be all too easy for him to hurt her with that knowledge. But he had taken so many chances for her; it was her time to do this for him.

"Where do you stand with marriage? I told you before that I'm a one and done kind of girl, so I need to know that you are willing to be my one and done," she pleaded, her voice laced with genuine insecurity.

"Things are great the way they are, or at least, they were. Do we really have to change it? Why take a chance with marriage, when it could ruin things? I've been married twice, and both times didn't work out for me. What we had was great, Kate, so do we really want to mess it up with marriage?"

"I'm sorry that things didn't work out with your ex-wives, but who's to say that we won't make it? I mean, yes I know I'll have to work to gain your trust again, but if we don't try, how do we know for sure?"

"Kate Beckett, are you proposing to me right now?" he asks teasingly, face lighting up with a real smile for the very first time that day.

"What? No, no! I- I'm not proposing to you," she protests, face taking on a pink hue as she heated up. Kate quickly backtracks, "It's just something that we might bring to the table, you know, like in the future or something."

Castle arches an inquisitive eyebrow at her, the corners of his eyes still crinkling slightly. He couldn't resist it. She was just too adorable when she got all riled up and flustered.

"Some day? Sure, I guess, why not? So we're agreeable on this topic, should we move on? What's next, Katherine Beckett?"

A small boy ran pass them, and Kate felt a small tug at her heartstrings.

"Stack asked me where I saw myself five years from now," she started, planning to bring up the children issue in a more roundabout manner. To be frank, she was a little surprised with how direct she had been, asking about his opinion on marriage.

"Okay?" he prompted, intrigued with where this was heading. Was another layer to the Beckett onion coming off?

"I didn't have any solid goals for my future. His question caught me off guard, but," she lowers her tone and shut her eyes, making it a little easier to voice a dream that she didn't know existed until that moment, "I saw two kids with your blue eyes – an older boy playfully tugging along his toddler sister."

Opening her eyes once more to look at him, she said, "So, I guess the next topic is children. I know that you've had Alexis and raised her, but I guess what I'm asking is if you'd ever want to go through that again."

When he stared at her blankly, Kate rambled on, misinterpreting his silence. "I've never actually thought about kids before this, I understand if you don't want more, that's fine, I guess. I mean, I don't even know how to be a parent, and then there's my job, and- and-"

Castle smiled, breaking her monologue by calling her name multiple times. "Kate, Kate, Kate. Kate!" She finally stopped talking and stared back at him with wide eyes.

"I've never thought about it, but I guess I'm open to it, so long as I'm not too old? I don't want to be learning how to walk at the same time as my kid. Besides, I think it would be nice to raise children with someone else as my partner. But you do know one thing right," he mentioned casually, and she couldn't help but rejoice a little that things were slowly returning to normal for them, "any children that we have will be absolute monsters. I mean, your stubborn streak combined with my penchant to look for trouble?"

Kate laughed, her heart feeling much lighter with each conversation they shared. "Maybe they'd inherit my brains and your good looks," she suggested lightly.

"Nah, I'd rather they inherit _my_ brains and _your_ looks. That way they'd get out of any scraps or trouble – all they'd have to do is smile and it'd be impossible for anyone to stay mad," Rick looked at her longingly as he finished his sentence. Kate ducked her head as a blush took over.

"So I guess that we're agreeable on this topic as well?" she asks shyly, keeping her eyes firmly on the ground. Castle remained silent until she finally lifted her gaze to look at him. Only then did he smile and nod in assent.

Rick would have loved to continue talking about things they both agreed on, but they had other issues to work out as well. Which was why he had to bring up the next thing.

"One thing though, how're we going to have kids if you're stuck in D.C. while I'm here in New York?"

The smile on her face dimmed.

"I hated your ultimatum, Castle," she admitted, "Asking me to choose between a job or our relationship? I would never give you an ultimatum; I could never ask you to choose between the two loves of your life," she says sadly.

"So tell me about this job," he prods, giving her a chance to finally explain this job offer.

"I have to be honest, it sounds really great. I get to move up without having to sacrifice what I love. Even if I get promoted to lieutenant or captain, I'd have to cut back on actually working cases. I don't want to get stuck behind a desk – I want to be out there in the field; I want to be actively in charge of cases.

"This job gives me that," she says wistfully, "It sounds amazing on paper. _But_, it's nothing without you." She tugs at his hand, a wry smile on her face. "I love my job, Rick, but I love you more."

As much as he tried to hold his tears at bay, some traitorous drops escapes anyway, which he quickly swiped away with a flick of his finger. He had to clear his throat a few times before ascertaining that he had regained function of his vocal cords.

"Will it be enough, though? I hardly see you talking about something so passionately, Kate. I guess it won't be _that_ bad if you decided to take this job. I'm sure we'd be able to work something out," he relented.

Emotionally, Kate told him, "I can feel content as long as I have you, Rick. You're all that I want, you're all that I need."

It was her turn to turn the tables on him and ask him her own question. "I'll probably remain a detective if I want to continue working cases with the NYPD. You're a best selling novelist, Rick. Will you really be fine with being shackled with a lowly detective? Will that be enough for you?"

"Kate, I know I might not have said this recently, but you are and always will be extraordinary in my eyes. You should never have to feel ashamed of your job – I'm so proud of what you do, Kate. How passionate you are and the distances you'd go to bring closure to other families were the things that inspired me."

"Come over here," he told her, tugging so she would stand and walk over to him, finally settling in to sit on his lap.

"You should take the job if you really want it," he murmured softly into her ear.

"Should I really?" she asks, nuzzling her head into him. "It seems like such a hassle and there are so many more complications. Would it really be worth it? Should we just flip a coin?"

"Alright, that seems a way as good as any to decide," he replied, digging into his pocket to remove a coin.

"Seriously?" she asked, her voice became higher as she thought how incredulous this all seemed.

"Sure, why not. Heads stay in New York, tails we go to D.C," he announced, balancing the coin on his pointer as his thumb prepares to flick it into the air.

Kate bit her lip as she grinned, nodding to give him permission to flick the coin. As the shiny coin flipped over and over in the air, both of them watched its track with slow fascination. It glinted at the peak, reflecting the sun's rays.

"No matter what happens, I will _always_ love you," Rick told her softly but ardently.

Kate turned her head to face him, smiling as she replied, "_Always,"_ before she kissed him on the lips as the coin landed on the ground below, unbeknownst to either of them.

* * *

A/N: I know I've mentioned in the previous chapter that this would be the last chapter for this story, but, I guess I thought wrong. (Get it?! ;p) I've got an epilogue planned that will take place some time in the future. Are you guys interested? :) Either way, please Review!


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Hello hello, I'm back! I'll be honest, the finale left me with mixed feelings, which was one of the reasons why this took me so long. Anyway, just a reminder that in my version of events, Castle did Not propose. Neither did Kate. There was No proposal.

Thank you so much for sticking with me through this fic. It started out as a one shot and I'm amazed at how long it has become! I could never have done this without all of your support! Special thanks again to heypiasano who has been amazing with helping me develop this story :)

Disclaimer: Not mine!

* * *

**Epilogue**

The hearty wails of a crying baby pierced the night. Kate groaned. _Please, please go back to sleep,_ she willed, lying still in bed.

The crying continued. Even Rick who was the heavier sleeper of the two of them was beginning to stir. Kate quickly reached for the baby monitor to turn the sound down.

"Kate?" Rick called out, still half asleep.

"It's Brooklyn," Kate rasps tiredly.

"Again?" he asked, a touch of disbelief coloring his tone.

Kate sat up, yawning. "Go back to sleep, Rick. I've got it," she reassures him, tying on her robe and padding quietly to the baby's room. It was feeding time again.

"Hey Brooklyn, mommy's here," she said softly as another yawn escapes. The glowing digital clock on the cupboard told her that it was four in the morning. Kate sighed as she headed over to the crib; Brooklyn's wails softened a little as she detected someone's presence in the room. The little baby had to be fed every two hours like clockwork.

Kate quickly picked her up and settled into the rocking chair in the corner, preparing to feed the little monster. _Wait, what? Monster?_ Kate caught herself mid-thought. _Little angel – Brooklyn's my little angel, _Kate corrected herself.

As the baby's cries turned to whimpering, she finally quieted after latching on and suckling heartily. "You're my little angel, Baby Brooke," Kate murmured, rocking gently.

Establishing a comfortable rocking rhythm, Kate began talking to Baby Brooke. For some reason her voice soothed the baby.

"How in the world does a little thing like you pack such a loud cry, huh? You've got strong, healthy lungs, don't you, Brooklyn? Your big brother, now, he had a nice pair of lungs too, but he knew to keep the sound down because he figured out early that mommy and daddy could hear your cries perfectly fine. You wanna try that next time, Baby Brooke? You know, maybe turn the notch down a bit?" Kate joked.

"Mommy must be going crazy, huh, trying to negotiate with a baby. What was I thinking, insisting that we have another kid. You know, sometimes mommy wonders if I've lost my mind, but guess what, Brooke," Kate whispers conspiratorially, "I wouldn't have it any other way. Wild horses couldn't keep me from having you, Baby Brooke."

Kate fell silent for a while, and Brooklyn began fussing a little.

"Hey, don't fuss, I'm still here, you know. Okay, what do you want to hear about tonight? You wanna hear about your big brother? Yeah? I'll tell you all about Luke. You know, he's going to turn three in a month. We're gonna have a big party, and there will be lots of people over.

"So you gotta be on your best behavior, okay? I know you love mommy and daddy, but it's okay to let other people carry you for a while, you know. You're so adorable and puffy that people can't help but want to pick you up, so you can't be too fussy okay. Back to Luke now.

"Nowadays he's running all over the place and into things. But years ago, your brother Luke was an easy baby. He could sleep through an earthquake – I'm pretty sure he inherited that from your daddy. He was always smiling and ready to play with anyone and everyone, including the paparazzi. Fun, loving and playful, just like his daddy," Kate reminisced wistfully.

"That's probably why I bugged your daddy so much to have another kid. But you're not so much like daddy, are you? No, Baby Brooke, you're more like me. We're not so outgoing; and a little shyer, but that's okay. That's fine because we have daddy to protect us, to keep us safe and to help us open up. Daddy's great at that," Kate trailed off softly as Brooklyn finished feeding.

"Hey," Rick greets softly from the doorway, startling Kate.

"How long have you been there?" she asks, embarrassed at what he may have heard her rambling to their daughter.

"Not too long, I came to burp her. Why don't you go back to bed?" he offers, reaching for the baby. Kate passes Brooklyn over as Rick draped a small towel over his shoulder. He was always better at burping the kids. Dropping a kiss on both Brooke and Rick's forehead, Kate headed back toward their bedroom.

She stops at his study as the notepad caught her eye. Smiling softly, she sat in his chair and reached for the notepad and a pen. Kate thought back to the last five years. Wow, could time really have flown past so quickly?

She was such an idiot back then. Rick was an idiot too. Granted, he wasn't as idiotic as she was, but they were both idiots. She remembers an argument they had five years ago that had started with a note she wrote after getting a job offer in D.C.

"_Castle this isn't about you. This is about me, it's about my life."_

"_Please don't do this; please don't make this about us."_

Even now, she could still picture his disbelief as he had said, _"Tell me how this isn't about us."_

He was right, of course. Luckily, they were stubborn enough to work through the hard times. Kate spent some time in D.C. before Rick moved to stay there with her as well. They fought and made up countless times within that one year they spent in D.C.

In the end, they decided together to return to New York. Surrounded by friends and family once more, they were home at last. It didn't take long before Rick finally proposed to her.

They got married, and after some time Kate gave birth to two beautiful children. She was thankful that she has such amazing children – all three of them, Alexis included.

_Five years,_ she thought, _what an experience the past five years have been_.

With Castle's soothing murmur floating over softly to the study, Kate writes another note.

* * *

**To my amazing children,**

**When I was born, it was all about me. My parents loved each other, and a product of that love was bringing me into this world. For the longest time, it was all about me. **

**Then I met your father, and eventually we ended up together. The axis of my life shifted.**

**Now, the statement changed from "What about me?" to "What about us?" We were two different people with different opinions who now had to adjust our goals and direction. Will love and understanding prevail through strife and turmoil? Luckily for us, the answer to that was "Yes".**

**But now comes a different phase in my life. **

**The greatest and most amazing aspect of life is bringing another life into this world. Becoming a parent, caring for your children, brings out emotions and feelings that you have never felt before. **

**My axis shifted yet again. **

**The statement changed once more, from "What about us?" to "What about them?"**

**How quickly the cycle of me turns to the cycle of you.**

**My greatest hope as your mother is that you will be able to go through all these phases throughout your own life, with the person you truly love, just like I have.**

* * *

A/N: The end! I hope that you guys are satisfied with the way things turned out. I didn't want to go into detail about how Caskett sorted out their differences and worked out their problems etc within those five years – I'll leave that mess to Marlowe to sort out! Since it started out with a note, I think it should end with a note as well. :) I've got no plans to write anything new anytime soon, besides, there's a whole barrage of post-finale-fever fics out there, but you're welcomed to go check out my other stories. My next fic should be a sequel to Second Chance, so go ahead and check that one out. Thanks again for reading!


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